We won so why am I sad.

Doing a lot of internal thoughts and kicking myself this week.  Gman won his first tournament game on Monday.  This should be a great thing especially for the up down season the Orioles had. I have had a terrible week thinking about the game.  We won because we intentionally walked a good hitter to get to a bad hitter.  As a baseball move we made the right call.  The next batter struck out.  We won woohoo.  I made 2 kids cry and a friend so mad he could barely contain himself.  

I am glad we have joined a league that is competitive and teaches kids about winning and losing.  I am glad that our league has very close in talent on the teams, this leads to very good games.  The look on the kids faces after the game hurt me.  There is a time and place for playing hard ball tactics in baseball and I am not sure it is with 9 and 10 year olds.  I then think that if it was any other kids in the league would I have hesitated to do the same move. The answer to that is no.  I hesitate  talking with other coaches on my team because who was at bat and who the next kid was.  If we were playing any other team in the league or any other coach I would have walked the batter before the one we walked as well to get to the bad hitter.  I got mad when another team did it to us and had thought I would never do it.  It comes to winning the game and I agree with the other coaches and decide that the win means more than letting the kids play.  I could not stop myself for saying yes lets walk him.  

I do not know what part of this I feel worse about.  The kids will get over it but I am not sure either will ever trust me again.  The friend says we will be ok but it will take time.  Do I feel bad just because of who we were playing?   I know it would not have bothered me at all it was not that team, coach, and kids.  Any kid on that team is like they were on my team.  

Well I feel like a heel.